Being blank, at the same time filled with thoughts.

A happy 13th month to me and baby ! ^^ We couldn't celebrate together because we are so far apart. Just 2 hours ago we were msging with each other, and by now she should be sleeping and i hope shes having her wonder sweet dreams. Well, yet another day has passed and christmas is just 2 days away. Dont know why i'm not really into the mood to celebrate christmas. I think i failed as a boyfriend, a brother, a friend. Im a goner man.

I think its true that i am a goner. For instance, recently without me meeting up with the clique, i feel awkward because i think im not catching up with them, but yet another problem comes in, i have to work hard towards bball and Dota as there are some upcoming competitions. I know its kinda stupid saying Play time > Friends, sometimes i even Play more than i talk to my gf. No doubt that shes angry/sad/disappointed/feel neglected over it. People would ask me to stop playing and spend more time with one another, but up to this type of certain stage for my gamez career, im really very motivated to train really hard. Despite the fact that staying at home to home training is the cheapest way to train, rather than going down lanshop to train, but the biggest difference is the atmosphere. The communication, the way we shouted "YES NICE LA" when we take down our opponent, as you see your teammate's eager & engross face to win the game, it boostZ my morale by 101 % no lies. Even though i know this type of things like playing games isnt real, or maybe isnt something life can exchange with, somehow or rather im just hooked onto computer games. Im kinda semi-hooked though, but i never want to stop training.

ahhh, yes yes back to our main topic! Well, im sorry brothers and sister that I haven been meeting up with you guys, not because i dont want to but because sometimes i feel like its okay without me in the clique. I dont want to be anyone's burden, i dont want to be causing anyone not to go meet up because im not going. Joey teh was talking with me just now about this and come to think of it, i think i've changed. I think i've changed into someone who doesnt want to care alot for others, and put myself before others. I dont know whether is this happening but i hope not. Hope you guys will enjoy yourselves without me though! ^^

Just another thing to add on, is that the population of smokers in our clique are more than non smokers. In turn, most of the time when we are waiting for someone or somewhat we become 2nd hand smokers. I dont know why you all want to start smoking and like to smokeeeeeeeeeee so much. Is it because it is very cool holding the cigarette butt 'kiap' in between ur index finger and middle finger, inhaling rubbish toxins into ur body, and exhaling toxins into the people around. Is it because smoke blowing out from your mouth shows that you are cool? Tell me more about it people. Smoking or not smoking is a choice, you yourself make. I know its pointless telling because i dont smoke and i dont know the pain of not smoking, but since you know that theres such drugs that makes u so addicted and gets u addictive to it, then what for in the first place you tried ? I bet you guys are gonna be 5 times as richer as you are now if you have not picked up smoking. Just imagine the amount of money that you can save by not buying 1 packet of cig per 3half days! Lets say its $10 per packet, every week you can save extra $20. And every one month extra $80 dollars. By then after a period of lesser smoking, hopefully you would know how to refrain yourself from taking out that $10 to buy, and in turn you saved more than expected. Then at the end of the month when you go out to shop, you wont start whining that you dont have money to buy this buy that. If all this money has flown into the cig that your harms your body. So whats the point man! You are paying money to harm your body ? Obviously, I have no right to stop anyone from smoking but as a friend/brother, im telling that for your own good.

Maybe after this post you people will like, " Eh who the fuck darren think he is sio? Our lao pei ?" But these are just words from the bottom of my heart, if you can cut down on smoking, try to. Best is that you guys stop smoking. (:

A wordy post, i must say. But hopefully this post helps, or else its rather a pointless one. (: Anyway, i too will change for a better and create more space and time, and know how to prioritise with cliques, ball clique, games & Girlfriend, but pardon me maybe i'll need some time to change, just like how it takes some time to cut down on smoking.

P.S Emo the femo plus 2 elmos with 3 moles.